Hello Again Old Friend.

The recipe for my particular brand of postpartum depression:

1 part PMS psycho bitch hormones
3 parts extreme apathy
2 parts crushing hopelessness
4 parts inexplicable rage
1 part general sad/weepiness

Take ingredients and toss haphazardly into a blender. Do not place lid on said blender. Turn on high and watch as yet another mental disorder spews its shitty mess all over everything and everyone around you.
Stare hopelessly at said mess and wonder how the hell you're going to clean this up.
Do not turn off blender. Simply add more ingredients as you have them.
When out of ingredients, collapse into a heap.

This is where I am right now.
I, however, am extremely lucky in that I know that this is post postpartum depression. I know that PPD is temporary and that like all depression - he is a lying bastard. PPD will probably stick around a few months and vacate just in time for SAD (which is an acronym for my other best mental disorder Seasonal Affective Disorder). This is the pessimist in me.
But I do know that it will be bright again. The sun will shine. Babies will laugh. Chocolate cakes will be made (and hopefully consumed by me).
So today I am going to drag my ass up, take a shower, read a heart-warming letter from Stephen Fry, be grateful for the good times and attempt to march through another day.
And maybe today will be that sunny day.


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