Well... it's about to be official.
Or maybe it is official.
Who knows when it comes to anything going on in my head.
After 6 years of battling depression and negative self-image, my new shrink looked me straight in the face and said, "I think you have A.D.D."
And I scoffed. Like, pompous blue blood driving past a blue collar 4th of July Picnic - scoffed.
A.D.D? That's a made up disorder for little boys who are just being little boys.

Isn't it? 

And then she gave me The Test.
She says, "Take this home, look it over. See if any of it rings true."

Eight questions in, I want to scream.
I am not only suffering from everything on the list so far - I am paralyzed by everything on the list.
And they are things that I thought pointed to depression.
Inability to meet goals or deadlines?
Many projects going on simultaneously, trouble with follow through?
Self-depreciating attitude, negative self-image never does enough despite what you actually accomplish?

The list went on.
And suddenly those things that I just thought were part of my personality and were never going to go away, constantly losing things, forgetting everything, thinking about 15,387 different things at a time without being able to consistently focus on one thing for any length of time... Apparently, A.D.D. will do that to you.
I'm 23 years old with a preschooler and a baby on the way and have just been diagnosed with ADD.

I have sailed through childhood, staying under the radar, being just good enough to get by, all the while not functioning at my fullest. I mean, if there's any phrase that describes me (and my brothers) it's "wasted potential." We know we're capable of more, but somehow, we never manage to get there. I know I'm smarter than "average" - but I never seem to function above average.

So. Now, I have to stop, look around and figure out where to go from here.

YAY for new diagnoses. They are always fun.


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