Dear Smalls,

You honestly do not have to test how far my uterus will stretch. It's not getting any stretchier. And you're not getting any smaller.
Suck it up. You and I have 8 more weeks together. You're going to get bigger and fatter and my uterus probably won't grow all that much. Or maybe it will. I don't know and I haven't read a pregnancy book in four years. All I know is that all this stretching out like you're in a damn hammock sort of makes me feel as though I'm that guy in Alien.
So, this is your cease and desist notice.
Knock it off or I will never ever, ever purchase you a pony.



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