With Facebook.

I know people who sit at their computers and/or smart phones all day looking at facebook. They play games (which thankfully I have never been tempted to play). They stalk people's pages. They scroll for hours, and hours and hours. I know those people. I feel bad for those people.

And secretly - I have more in common with those people than I'd ever like to admit.

Granted I don't exactly have the luxury of spending hour after hour at my computer any more. Thanks kids. But if I did, I could totally hyper focus on Facebook or Pinterest or whatever for half a day or shit, even a whole day. I've done it before.

I have, however, discovered this really gross habit that I've developed.

Obsessively checking Facebook. Perhaps not obsessively - but entirely too often. The click back from one page to Facebook intermittently throughout the evening/afternoon to see who's said what about something I posted... It's time consuming. And when you realize you're doing it, it's a bit soul crushing. But there I was an hour later with seemingly nothing to do, plopping down at my computer and clicking the little blue F on my bookmark toolbar...

So I gave up Facebook, what? Four, five days ago? I've lost count honestly. And I've done pretty well with it. I've signed in a couple of times, going directly to the homeschool group's page to check on outings (while wandering round the Botanical gardens, wondering why I hadn't seen anyone from the group there yet) and I've posted photos directly from Instagram. But I have left the red little bubbles that alert you to new things up at the top completely alone.

So far, so good.
Except not really. I find myself staring at Instagram, looking for me. me. me. Look at me. Who's talking to me? Who's out there willing to connect with me? Even if it's just a little <3 on a photo I snapped of my kids.

Do you want to throw up yet?

Because I do.

How disgusting am I that I have come to rely on social media to connect with other people??? Today I really just wanted to pull my own fingernails out after realizing just what I was doing...

And so, I texted my two best friends in the whole wide world - who currently live a thousand miles away from me and with whom I don't talk as much as I'd like.

I sent love to them. I reminded them how much they mean to me and how much I miss having them in my life. And in return, I got love and sunshine.

And I called my brother and talked to him.

And I chatted with my grandmother.

Because realizing that I had grown dependent on social media for human interaction (a large chunk of human interaction in my life) was beyond disturbing. And I decided right then and there that there are meaningful connections that I could and should be making instead. There are letters to write and phone calls to make. There is a real life to enjoy outside of me. me. me.

Am I going to give up on Facebook all together? Probably not. But Lent starts tomorrow and I think I'll let it go until Easter.

The paramaters of my Lenten Fasting are as follows:

For Facebook: ONLY homeschool group business. No clicking alerts, checking my home page OR my news feed. No adding new friends, messaging (unless it's a group thing and I don't have a phone number to call), and obviously no posting/commenting. For Instagram: only posting of photos. No scrolling the newsfeed, no social interaction, no notifications of <3. Basically just continue my 100 Happy Days Project, because I seriously love that shit. And Pinterest, o Pinterest you rascally devil - you and I have been on good terms these past months since I decided to just chill the fuck out on all the craziness. But you and I should really part ways these 40 days. I may use you to find a link to a recipe or craft or home school lesson from my own page. But that is all. No going to pinterest.com and pinning all the things. Just a pop in at My Page to find what I'm looking for. When I'm looking for something specific.

Instead of all this internet time I think I should like to improve the flow and rhythm of my days. Set a bit of a schedule and follow it. Get outside more (which I have been doing quite a lot these days) go for walks, read more, write more, make more art and work on My Family History Project.

Will I accomplish anything at all with this fast? I don't have a damned clue. For now I just feel better airing out my dirty laundry, setting out my selfishness into the blog-sphere and releasing it. Now it's out there and now it can stay gone.

Adios narcissism.

I often complain about my house being a wreck.
Truth is, I hardly ever clean it.
Like.
Ever.
Maybe once a month I'll try to dig myself out of the mess we've made and attempt to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! And if you're at all familiar with that article (who isn't?) - my life quickly devolves back into my self-congratulatory mode until I look up a month (or two) later and realize, CHRIST everything is a MESS. AGAIN.

Like, people use dishes every fucking day.

And the bathroom develops a peculiar smell after the dirty laundry piles up by the tub and doubles as a bath rug.

And laundry. It typically gets washed (at least a couple loads) during the week - but apparently you have to put that shit away or it just piles up on the bed (and then on the floor when you go to sleep with piles of clothes on your bed and kick them off during the night).

Basically, my secret confession is - I am a slob. And when I get depressed (or better yet depressed AND pregnant-sick) my apartment starts to look like an episode of Hoarders (on the bad days) or AT LEAST an episode of Clean House waiting to happen.
It's not safe. It's not sanitary. And frankly. I'm sick of living the way I am.
I am a stay-at-home mom. And I don't clean.
Ever.
Holy shit. That is embarrassing to admit. I mean. Like whoa. But I'm so sick of living this way that I'm announcing it to the internet so that I can CHANGE it.
They say it takes 21 days to make (or break) a habit. So.
I've armed myself with a $4 e-book aptly titled 28 Days to Hope for your Home by A Slob Comes Clean author Nony and a few basic chore charts. You know, those basic chores that normal people just do? Yeah, I don't do them. Sweep more than once every three weeks? What?! Clean up that spatter of spaghetti sauce when it spatters?!

I've already started implementing the doing the dishes everyday (which is where Nony's eBook starts) - but I've taken it a step further because my house is driving me insane, now that I'm seemingly done with morning sickness (Smalls, don't you dare make a liar out of me. I will make you pay for it later, I promise). I'm working on the daily habits I want to instill while also attempting to organize/clean one area of my house at a time.
That's been the key I think. So many times while organizing Marley's room I've wanted to jump into my room (or maybe just my closet) and start purging and cleaning and organizing, but I've restrained myself. And yeah, there's still piles of clean clothes over-flowing out of a laundry basket in my bedroom (it's kind of taking up all of the floor space at the foot of our bed) but I'm okay with that. It's been there for weeks months (and God that's embarrassing to admit) and right now, it's one space at a time. One day at a time.
So for Lent. I'm going to make those daily habits DAILY.  I'm going to work my way to a cleaner house. I feel like a clean house is a clean slate. And a clean slate is simply good for the spirit.
And my motto for when I get completely overwhelmed, stressed out and anxious?
"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Edward Everett Hale
And I will attempt to not become overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the mess. Maybe I can't get it all done RIGHT NOW. But I can sweep the kitchen floor before bed tonight.
And I think that will be enough.